Being in a band is a lot like being in a therapy group. Same cramped rehearsal rooms, same raw emotions, same chance of someone storming out over a badly timed solo. I just wrapped a module in psychotherapy training on group therapy, and while the classroom was about circles of chairs, my mind kept drifting to circles of amps.
Irvin Yalom, one of the greats of group psychotherapy, identified the core âcurative factorsâ that make groups transformative. To my surprise (or maybe not), each of them maps perfectly onto the messy, magical world of band life. If youâve ever rehearsed, toured, or tried to write music with other humans, youâve already lived them â whether you knew it or not.
đ¶ Universality â âIâm Not Alone in This Chaosâ
One of Yalomâs first points is universality: the healing that comes when people realize theyâre not alone in their struggles.
Iâve seen this happen countless times with musicians. Someone confesses before a gig: âI always feel like Iâm the weakest one here.â Silence. Then another member blurts: âNah, man – we’re all learningâ Everyone laughs. Suddenly, the private shame becomes a shared experience.
Bands thrive on these little moments of recognition.
đ Band lesson: Normalize the struggles. Make anxiety, frustration, and self-doubt part of the group conversation instead of private battles. It takes the sting out.
đ¶ Cohesion â The Glue That Outlasts Broken Strings
Yalom calls group cohesion the best predictor of therapeutic success. The same is true in music.
Weâve all met technically brilliant bands that fell apart after one tour because they couldnât stand each other. Then there are the scrappy garage bands who survive decades because theyâd walk through fire for each other. Cohesion beats virtuosity every time.
đ Band lesson: Invest in the âglue.â That means hanging out after rehearsal, sharing meals, building rituals that say we belong here together. Music is just the spark â the bond is what keeps the fire alive.
đ¶ Interpersonal Learning â Mirrors and Feedback Loops
In therapy, groups are mirrors. The way you handle feedback in the circle reflects how you handle it in life. Bands do the same thing, often brutally.
Take rehearsals. A guitarist suggests a tweak. The singer shuts down: âFine, whatever.â Itâs not just about the riff â itâs about the reverberations from their relationship with symptoms everywhere. The band becomes a microcosm of their world.
đ Band lesson: Practice feedback without shame. âThe riff is muddyâ doesnât mean âYouâre a bad guitarist.â The difference between critique and attack is everything. That is why everyone in a band needs to learn how to clearly communicate – more about this, in a future post!
đ¶ Catharsis â Loud Therapy
Yalom points to catharsis â the healing power of emotional release. Bands are practically built for this.
I remember a rehearsal where the drummer was furious after a breakup. Instead of talking, he hammered the kit for an hour. By the end, he was sweaty, laughing, and lighter. No words needed.
đ Band lesson: Let rehearsal spaces hold more than notes. Let them hold rage, grief, joy. Better to scream into the mic at rehearsal than explode mid-tour.
đ¶ Existential Factors â The Bigger Why
Group therapy always circles back to the big questions: mortality, freedom, meaning. Bands are no different.
At some point, every band faces it: âWhy are we doing this?â Is it fame? Community? Art? Escape? When those answers clash, things fracture. When they align, things soar.
đ Band lesson: Talk about the why, not just the setlist. Shared purpose is fuel that keeps the van moving when the gigs donât pay and the road feels endless.
đ¶ Wrapping the Session
Bands are more than collections of players â they are living laboratories of human psychology. Each rehearsal is a session. Each gig is a ritual. Each conflict, a mirror.
If you can navigate the dynamics of a band with honesty, trust, and purpose, youâve already mastered half the lessons of group therapy. The other half? Thatâs just practicing your instrument.
After all, whether itâs a circle of chairs or a circle of amps, the real instrument is the group itself.
đ„ Three Practices to Try This Week
Want to put these insights into action? Here are three group-therapy-inspired practices your band can experiment with:
- Check-In Circle (5 minutes before rehearsal)
Everyone shares one word or sentence about how theyâre arriving today â tired, excited, distracted, etc. No fixes, no debates. Just naming the state of the room. - Feedback Jam (once a week)
Play through a song, then pause and let each member share one thing they liked and one improvement suggestion.Practice giving and receiving without defensiveness or aggression. - The Big Why Conversation (over pizza, not practice)
Take one rehearsal night to talk about your shared purpose. Why are we doing this? What do we want to give, build, leave behind? Youâll be surprised how much clarity it creates.
Thatâs how Yalom sneaks into the band room: not as a therapist in a chair, but as the invisible guide showing you how to turn your group into something more than just a collection of instruments.